At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
