i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
