did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
