i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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Randomize
