Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
