someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
