dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
