Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
