i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
