it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
