so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
