Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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