glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
