I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
