3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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