There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
