loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
