just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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