Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
