Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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