You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
