just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He better not be in your backpack
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
