I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
