Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
