question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's the barista slut.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
