And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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