Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
