His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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