I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
