Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
