i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
