I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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