3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
