I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
NoShamevember. You game?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
