I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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