i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
