I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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