he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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