at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
