Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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