The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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