I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
