saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
