My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
