dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
