some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
