I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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