So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
