Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Couch. On fire.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
