Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
