Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
