Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
