my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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