drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
