Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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