Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
