Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
